Fever

My son Arthur has been sick the last few days, with symptoms suggesting that he’s reacting to the chickenpox vaccine (a new addition to the MMR, renamed the MMRV) he received a few weeks ago. He’s had one of the less common reactions, where he’s actually developed spots all over his body (a reaction common enough that’s it’s mentioned in the vaccine literature, and it in fact appeared right on cue, 3.5 weeks post-jab). It’s mild enough, though, that the general consensus around chickenpox (that they’re no longer contagious once they’ve dried up and crusted over) doesn’t necessarily apply (his spots disappearing before they get fluid-filled, so have no chance to crust over). And yet all medical advice and word from the nursery still appeals to this standard, as if it should mean anything in this instance. This unfortunately leaves me having to interpret things on my own, which isn’t the end of the world, but is admittedly frustrating when what I would like is for someone to just acknowledge that this is an outside case and why don’t we do XYZ (e.g. wait until all spots have disappeared) instead of simply saying he won’t be contagious once he’s scabbed up, which seems pretty unlikely to even happen at this point. I think the most infuriating part of all this is feeling like I’m not actually being listened to.

Regardless, he’s doing fine; his fever dropped after a few days, and he’s getting more and more active again.

My main point is actually that I am very tired. Waking up every hour to nurse a sicky baby is all that I want to do, while simultaneously being completely draining.

What I’m really, truly, saying is that I need a meal plan. Do you have a meal plan? Do you know anyone who has ever successfully implemented a meal plan? If so, how do they manage the thing? How do they keep from being bored? How do they find dishes simple enough to make over and over again that are still delicious and wholesome?

What I’ve heard about meal planning is that it’s best to keep it simple. I like this idea, in concept. I think “oh yes, that makes sense. Keep it simple!” But my main problem with meal planning is that as soon as I sit down to make said plan, my mind goes completely blank. (This is a phenomenon that is not particular to meal planning for me; it in fact occurs most times I make any effort to list “things” in “a category” in an off-the-cuff manner.) What do I want to eat for dinner tomorrow? How could I possibly know the answer to that question?

I think true meal planners don’t actually give “want” any sort of credence. They simply hog-tie the notion of dinner and say “that’s what you’re having.” I don’t know if I have that kind of wherewithal. I don’t trust past-me well enough to think she made a good decision for today. And today-Shannon wants crisps, is that such a crime? This type of thinking continues until by Friday night I’m sitting in the detritus of my own crumbs and discarded candy wrappers, questioning all my life choices.

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Meal Planning whispers. “Healthy, delicious meals are simply a choice you need to make. In advance. With enough notice that you can go to the grocery store for ingredients.”

This is one of those insidious “self-care” things that I begrudge with many a begrudgement. What do you MEAN that doing my laundry, having clean clothes, taking a shower, working out, eating healthy meals is SELF-CARE. Can’t I just buy another scented candle? Ugh.

But perhaps, just perhaps, if I slog on through my daily yoga, my one-load-of-laundry-a-day policy, my hopefully-daily-shower, I can find an end to the tunnel, where meal planning sits in wait to be the next daily (or weekly) accomplishment.

Or maybe I’ll just google “vegan weekly meal plan” and copy and paste it from the internet. (Who am I kidding? I’ll take two looks at that and think, “I can do a better job than that.” And the spiral continues ever downward. Or upward. Who’s to say?)